Monday, March 14, 2011

obligatory march post

so i've been busy. alas.

this month i am on house medicine, which means i have no time to myself. i have a wonderful team, so i can't complain. today i have my 2nd day off this month so far and i am milking it for all it's worth. things like cleaning kitchen, baking, LAUNDRY time a ZILLION, FREAKING OUT ABOUT MY NRMP EMAIL I'M ABOUT TO GET AT 11:00 AM CENTRAL TIME. aak!

i'm pretty sure i'll match, but you can't be too sure. so this email will tell me that i have matched, yes/no, and then i'll find out where on thursday. i'm wigging out so bad. so it's been good i've been on a busy month because i just haven't had enough time to properly freak out, but i'm making up for it all now.

as for medicine, it's like that thing you hate but you know is good for you. does that make sense? i don't really enjoy medicine, but i'm glad i'm learning about how to fill out paperwork, how to do dictations for discharge summaries, etc. it's nice to be able to follow patients from beginning to end and at this part in my studies, i have a better idea of what to do for each patient. it's been interesting to compare the medicine way vs. the surgery way of taking care of the same problems. i don't want to become that type of resident who "hates on" people of other specialties. ok, some healthy ribbing is obviously warranted, but sometimes i encounter such HATRED of other specialties and it's just bizarre. the other day we had a lecture done by a cardiologist (like full time, done with training) and he just dogged on surgeons. ("surgeons don't want to operate." ok, maybe they didn't want to operate on a freakishly unstable patient? "surgeons think they can do whatever they want." ugh. and so on.) it was just so weird to see a grown man bitch and moan like that...just made me think that he must have had wanted to be a surgeon? or gotten snubbed by a potential surgeon lover? ha!

whenever i get anxious like this, i find myself freaking out about all sorts of things. i'm afraid to look at because of all the japan's just so sad and my heart goes out to those people. i start thinking about things i'm sorry i did in my past and i just think and think and think. then i start worrying about "what if i'm not good enough for residency". ha, at least i don't think i've made the wrong specialty choice, but just obsess over my competency. i know it's not normal to ruminate this way, but most med students have somewhat obsessive personalities. i can't help it. i think once i get my email today it will cease for a while. then i'll start wigging out about thursday, but honestly, i'm more afraid of NOT getting a job than to freak out about WHERE. and i would be happy on most places on my rank list, so i'm not that scared about that.

alright, i should stop this ramble. i think i'll go to the gym so i can clear my mind a bit. then lunch with E, and maybe i can go to the mall? look at shoes? haha!

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