Monday, April 26, 2010

mini crisis

not a real crisis, per say, but a lot of thoughts in my head that are semi-racing and irritating me?

i've had a decent day, tried to work on my research from a long time ago and failed miserably at remembering how to work stupid statistics programs, but had a decent day by the end of it. i went to the gym after school, cleaned my kitchen, and made some dinner: leftover cold steak pieces (because i needed protein and was too lazy to reheat it), open-faced wheat bagel with cream cheese, basil, tomato slice and some onion, and 1/4 avocado. it was quite delicious. i feel good now. but i do need to step study. aaak.

maybe if i spell out all my troubles i will feel better? and since this is my blog i can do whatever i want. and H is away on a work trip so i have nobody to talk to.
  • MONEY. money money money. not "omg i'm going to have tons of debt", but more like "oh $*%& my next loans don't come in until july 7 and clearly my bank account is running dry like NOW". luckily i have things called "mutual fund of emergency money" and "parents". not a huge deal, but just annoying because i try my hardest to be self-sufficient...that little ego of mine is bigger than i'd like it to be.
  • health insurance. i turn 25 next month, and from my understanding, the "health insurance until your 26" thing doesn't go into effect until OCTOBER. well, that doesn't help me. so i have to figure out how to get my health insurance from school. it's not going to be too difficult, but just annoying.
  • specialty choice. now don't get me wrong...i LOVE surgery!!! love it! i can't wait to get back into the OR. SEE SOMEONE'S INSIDES AGAIN. HOLD THE COLON. you catch my drift. but now on psych, i really like it. there's something so interesting talking to someone who is telling you about their visions and what the voices in their head are telling them like it's talking about the weather, or what's for dinner tonight. it's comparing apples to oranges, really. they are so different you can't compare them too well, but i would be lying if i didn't think about things like "i could deal with not doing what i 99.9% enjoy for something with a more defined lifestyle". but honestly, how will i know what ANY lifestyle for me is going to be like? i can't tell the future! i've always managed to find a way that suits me best, so why wouldn't i be able to find the best surgeon job for me? and plus, people who ramble start pissing me off after a while (even though i ramble...haha), and a lot of psych problems involve rambling. and i still HATE clinic. at least in surgery people are silent when it counts...haha. and i'm hands on. psych is most definitely hands off.
  • step 2. enough said.
ok, i think i've complained enough. hope i didn't bore you. OH, and another reason why i probably can't be a psychiatrist...i am so hypochondriac-y and paranoid about everything...i think it would only make me worse! ok, going to attempt some studying now...bye!

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