just chilling. it's kind of nice. reading for fun. sleeping in. tomorrow me and H are going to a food festival a few hours away. i plan on plumping up as much as i can. woo!
some of my friends have given me excellent advice for surgery. another friend gave me some sutures and needle drivers so i can practice. i got some books too. just overall kind of nervous.
it's weird, i'm not really missing peds. maybe i will once i get into surgery more, ha, but i don't feel like i'm missing out on the fun stuff like i did once ob/gyn was over. we toured the NICU on thursday, and that is a very sad and strange place. it's weird, when i was in high school i thought i would like to be a neonatologist, but after seeing all those tiny babies and hearing that "necrotizing enterocolitis is par the course", i'm like, PASS. is it really worth it? i know i'm not a mom, and maybe that will all change if i ever have kids, but i just don't know. alas...
i saw some ob/gyn residents the other day and they remembered me and asked when i was coming back. that made me really happy. i don't think the peds residents would have been the same way with me. it just seemed like on peds the students were more of a nuisance or something. at least to me. i dunno. blah!
i'm reading "delivering doctor amelia". so far, it's interesting.
OH, the "spirit catches you and you fall down" book club meeting was really cool. the attending who is our "leader" or sponsor or whatever, she went to medical school with some of the residents depicted in the novel. she was able to give us some excellent insight. that book really just stirred a bunch of emotions in me. i found myself at various times so upset and angry, and especially angry at the two pediatric attendings at the hospital that this took place. turns out they are "awesome" people, but i dunno. it made me really angry at the medical people, and especially doctors. i guess it just made me realize that i personally need to watch myself and my thoughts because i do not want to end up being a doctor that patronizes my patients and whatnot. and i can already tell that i have to catch myself from having really jaded thoughts towards certain types of people. alas. it just all makes me confused sometimes. people in the world say that being a doctor is like being on top of the world because doctors are "rich" and "powerful" and whatever, well, there's so much pressure because you can get sued at any moment or what if you make the wrong decision or what if the patient just hates you and sabotages themselves...what then. alas. too much thinking.
i'm excited about thanksgiving. it's my favoritest holiday of the year. i'm making pumpkin pie and carrot cake for my family's house. and some cranberry shortbread cookie bars if they turn out better. prototype 1.0 turned out ok, but not to my liking. too tart, needs to be more sweet. then it will be time for mucho gymming afterwards. hope my stomach doesn't pop.